Uncertain self

Image 'Facing Uncertainty' by Sara Biljana, CC-BY 2.0

I submitted a Learning Program for my own learning to my temporary supervisor. I swore a bit at it and said to myself:

"That will just have to do! I can still fix it up. It is not like this is my CoC (that is what I am calling Confirmation of Candidature). I just have to get something in so that I can get feedback."

Along with the attached file I wrote: 

"I am not entirely confident that this is complete. If I need to do something more, please let me know "

Dr * wrote:

"Excellent, excellent work. Well done. I am very happy with this. Comments attached.

 The purpose of this semester was a) to mentally prepare ourselves for the doctoral study and b) set personal objectives (take ownership). You have achieved this with aces – well done."

My immediate thought was: 

"PHEW"

then...

"Does he think he has to be nice to me? ... Is this about making me feel better so that I don't give up?"

then...

"What is wrong with me? Why can't I accept that I have done something well?!"

Then the last two things went around and around like this until I told myself to forget about it and concentrate on the million of other things I was doing. 

I was SUPER efficient while I was avoiding thinking about this. I wrote some reports and documents I had been meaning to do, updated the ALIAQld blog, put together some slides for a webinar, started my section of the Social Media for T&L guidelines... I even did some reading on the philosophy of librarianship.

So, now I'm looking at this Learning Program and - oh dear.

One of the four areas where previous learning had not been adequate, (ie. areas for improvement) identified in my own self-assessment is:

"objective judgement “removing my ‘self’, or ego, from the situation in order to develop perspective”

BAHAHA HAHA HAHA! *snort*  That is all.