Wednesday, 17 June 2015

Imposter!

Having recently spent a whole lot of time NOT writing on this blog, I have started to question why I think writing publicly is so challenging for me.

It comes down to a number of feelings/thoughts:

  1. Writing 'out loud' will expose my complete and utter incompetence
  2. People might find out what a fragile being I am (and then what?.. the world will explode?)
  3. What could I possibly have to write that people might be interested in?
And what is with being so insecure to write professionally when I speak publicly, on camera, so often, without even thinking about what people think of me. What is interesting is that I have realised I am not the only person who thinks like this about blogging!

Recently (like, literally, this morning) @libsmatter wrote this blog post and something caught my eye: "The hard bit is really in finding who you want to be in the space." 

Yes. Yes it is.
How can I know who I want to be in this space when I am never sure who I am anyway? I mean, I'm a Librarian. At least, that's what the Grad. Dip. certificate and my job title makes me. I'm a mum, and a sister, and a carer, and a 'Tegan'. 

I am different to a lot of other librarians. For the most part, my life and the world I have lived in are remote to the worlds of people I have worked with. It would be QI to know how this affects me as a professional. 

FYI: Keeping a professional reflective learning journal (THIS blog) is going to be a major component of my Doctorate. I have no choice. I HAVE to write! 
Who is going to care? Well, it doesn't matter really, does it? The examiners will probably have to read it whether they really want to or not. My Dad will probably read it because he likes to know what I'm doing. If that is it, then that's OK. It's for me really, isn't it.

As the wise and wonderful Kate Davis says, "I'm not even sure I've actually said anything worth reading here, but I'm hitting publish anyway. And that’s what matters."

References:

Davis, K 2015, my name is kate, and i am [not] an impostor impostor
Greenhill, K 2015, Professional blogging and the imposter syndrome
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2 comments:

  1. katiedavis22 June 2015 at 19:45

    I'll read it too ;-)

    I always wanted to do a 'public PhD', where I blogged my way through the research and basically disseminated interim findings. There was a guy in the UK - an ed tech guy - whose name escapes me .... Anyway he wrote his thesis in a public Google doc. How awesome!

    I remember passing my proposal stage (which at QUT has the highly descriptive title of Stage Two) and I said to my supervisor: 'right, I'll just rewrite this proposal now and then put it on my blog.' And my very wise supervisor said, 'ah no, you're not rewriting anything!' Consequently I never published it online.

    What I have done is blog and Instagram my way through intense periods of PhD work so I have a record not of my research, but where my head was at, how I was working, and how I was living. I'm so grateful to have that record.

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    1. Tegan Darnell23 June 2015 at 23:15

      Thanks Kate!
      One of my 'learning outcomes' for examination is demonstration of my improved reflective practice and personal information management... by way of a detailed reflective learning journal. My outcomes can be in any number of formats, as long as it demonstrates Doctoral level research or professional practice outcomes.

      As a bit of a 'non-writer' I'm finding this challenging enough. Perhaps a video diary will work better? Either way, the 'thinking-out-loud' is important.

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